Armchair Psychology

Armchair Psychologist: A person who gives advice for mental/emotional disorders or any other mental illness and has no known background knowledge of psychology. “Self appointed analysts… like back seat drivers of the psyche”

I am really angry right now and I feel the best way to work it out is to write. I have a few things that I’d like to address… the word “no”, stalking and bullying just to name a few but for now the main thing I want to write about is Armchair Psychology.

Look, we are all guilty of it.

I’m certainly one who thinks she knows what is wrong with everyone, including what’s wrong with me. I take some pride in being pretty self-aware. I know what my emotional baggage is and I even understand why I carry most of it. When I look into what I should do to become a “healthier” person emotionally and mentally it doesn’t make “fixing” it any easier. Only time and hard work can do that. I am not a perfect soul. I am here to learn lessons and live as best I can. As I believe we all are here to do. So, though I may feel that I have the answers to why others are the way they are I would be more than arrogant to insist that my unprofessional “diagnosis” is the one true answer.

A woman I have known for about three years has decided that I need help (meaning professional help) for 1. My lying, 2. Playing the victim and 3. Driving men away.

The lies I apparently told were part of a personal conversation that she was never in on and no one including me would have had anything to gain from such information. Later when the truth came out and it was shown there were no lies I didn’t even get an apology nor (for some reason) was it was ever addressed again.

My playing the victim comes from me not liking the way I’m treated and taking a stand. Apparently the fact that I “think” I’m being treated badly means I am playing a victim. Ummm, I’m thinking that taking care of my self when I feel uncomfortable or unsafe means I’m doing the very opposite of playing a victim. Does it matter whether someone is really mistreating me? If I went to the police or if I physically confronted them, then yes… maybe that would be over the top but to distance myself from them or tell them I don’t appreciate their behavior is nothing more than me taking my life into my own hands.

And, now for the last thing… “Driving men away”, this is the one that pissed me off the most. The reason it pissed me off is because it was told to a guy who I liked and which I hoped things would progress in a good direction. This woman was supposed to be not only my friend but someone who was also supposed to be a spiritual advisor and who was supposed to keep my confidences to herself. She just told a man to be aware because I drive away all the men who come into my life. Really??? Let’s me clarify this…

This woman who has known me for three years (I’m 42 so that’s no time really) makes a statement that she could not know to be true. I mean, I have not had a boyfriend in well over four years so she didn’t even know me when I had a man in my life. In (again) the three years she has known me I have gone on dates with less than a handful of guys. Of the “dates” most never made it to a second date, when it’s not a good date, I don’t need a second date to verify it. Let’s see, I had a month long relationship with a guy who I chatted with daily but we NEVER went out. This was his choice not mine. I tried reconciling with an ex-boyfriend who had baby mama drama so that didn’t work out but there was no anger or hate involved. And one amazing night with a great guy who lives on another continent.

So, what is she talking about?

What she knows of my past from before she was around is what I’ve told her. I’ve been engaged three times. The first one we were too young and there are no hard feelings there. The second was a physical abuser. The third, besides having questionable “friendships” loved the NY Yankees more than his own mother.

I am friends with the vast majority of my ex-boyfriends. Most can claim only that I’m stubborn or too independent but they wouldn’t say I wasn’t a good person or someone they couldn’t trust.

I’m getting a little off topic here… I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that someone who presented herself to be a caring confidante has taken it upon herself to “armchair psycho-analyze” me and instead of talking to ME about it has decided to bring it to the attention of others. “Others” are the people who are using this woman’s self-serving misdiagnosis of me AGAINST me for their own satisfaction. Is that sentence me simply playing the victim? Hmmm… I don’t know. But, it’s what I feel has happened since her words (words I’ve heard her use in my presence) were thrown at me yesterday in anger. I drive men away. That was what was said.

It was hurtful and certainly not true but imagine if it was true!

How in the world would her destructive gossiping help me? It simply wouldn't. In fact, it would and could cause more damage. I could decide that I will never find love and never try again. I could decide that I'm not worthy of a good relationship and settle on an abusive one. I could choose to isolate myself and not trust any more since someone I trusted abused our friendship. I could toss away my spirituality because my Gods led me to people who hurt me instead of cared for me. How dare someone take it upon themselves to purposely influence another's life so negatively? Especially when they promote themselves as an honest, caring leader? 

There is no way to end this post other than for me to be grateful for my love of self and faith in spirit to guide me through the rough times.

All in all, hard times create character and I learn with each hardship.

I have long lasting friendships and a loving family. I'm truly more blessed than not.

So mote it be