Married Men

Not long ago a married man I know literally had the Cojones to say, “You can’t hold it against me that I’m married, I didn’t know you then.” REALLY!!! Really??? I mean, he said it as if it was logical. He felt I should give him a “chance” because it wasn’t his fault that he got married (and remains married) since he didn’t know he would meet me in the future. I wasn’t completely sure how to sum him up. Did he actually believe he was making sense? Did he think I was dumb enough to fall for his warped reasoning? Or was he just a complete asshole and figured he’d throw bullshit out there until something stuck? Whatever his thought process I made it very clear he didn’t have a chance EVER with me.

Unfortunately, he is not the first married man who has tried to convince me to get involved with them. He isn’t even the second, or the third… in fact, as of today, I can count four off the top of my head who are pursuing me. Unfortunately, again, this is not a new thing for me. I honestly don’t know if more married men than usual come on to me or if in general married men just come on to any woman they feel may be willing.

What makes them think I’m “willing” is what I’m trying to figure out. Do I give off a “desperate” vibe? I’m still single and in my forties so maybe that seems desperate. Yet, married men came on to me when I was in my twenties so that couldn’t always be the reason. Maybe because I live alone they feel I’m in need of “company”? Maybe they think I need a man around to do the “manly” things? Who the hell knows what they tell themselves… and I mean that, “what they tell themselves”!!! Because somewhere inside they have to KNOW that they’re lying to themselves as much as they’re lying to me. Seriously, what could they really offer me that would make the situation sound good? Basically, they have nothing I want or need. In the end it is simply self-centeredness on their part. They aren’t thinking of anyone but themselves. They aren’t thinking of their wives, their kids and they sure as hell aren’t thinking of me.

Their wives deal with (and have dealt with) them for years. They deal with reality. Smelly feet. Dirty laundry. Morning breath. Beer belly’s. In-laws. Bills. Mood swings.

Married men say they’re staying because of the kids or because they’ve invested too much into the relationship. If they leave they’ll have to pay spousal support, child support or split the assets. They care for their wives but they don’t love them like they once did. Yadda f*ckin’ Yadda. Come on… I’m supposed to believe in and trust someone’s promises when they’re lying (and obviously aren’t keeping the promises they made) to their wives and families.

They tell me that they will treat me like a Queen, buy me gifts, and take me on trips. They’ll satisfy me sexually too. All I have to do is hmmmmm… oh, yes, have sex with them. Sounds like prostitution to me. You give me some time with your body and in exchange I will give you payment. Now, I personally have no issue with women selling sex if that’s what they want to do. It’s a woman’s right to do what she wants with her body. (*Good topic for another post)

But, has it even occurred to these men that they are in essence asking me to sell my body? Of course not, I mean my feelings aren’t even on their radar.

The arrogance! Honestly, if they sat for a moment and thought about it they might come to the realization that what they are offering is not a bargain for me. The only one who would gain anything would be them. They get to pretend they’re someone else for awhile and they get to have sex with me which apparently is pretty important to them since they make all sorts of offers just for the opportunity.

What is in it for me? I get to be quiet when the wife or children call. I get to have a code name in their cell phone. I get to see them for a few hours on a random weekday when they’re “working late.”

Yes, sometimes there are gifts, which are nice but hey... I can buy things for myself. Trips… I’ve traveled around the world, never relying on a man to finance it. I’m capable of buying myself dinner, paying my own rent and anything else a man can do/give to me. So, basically it comes down to my grand prize being… sex with a married man.

I’m in my forties; I have had my share of sexual experiences. I have had boring, “Why did I waste my time?” kind of sex, I have had mind-blowing, “OMG”, kind of sex and I’ve had the “I satisfy myself more than any man ever could” kind of sex. But, so far I have not had the kind of sex that is so wonderful that I would willingly allow myself to feel “less than” the strong, incredible person I am, in order to keep getting it.

I mean, we aren’t talking about Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling or I don’t know… any other hot Hollywood guy who may not be named Ryan but who makes your mouth water when they take their shirt off, kind of man. The physical part of sex is not hard to find it’s the sensual compatibility that connects people that makes it special. If it’s only going to be physical then you need to be spectacular in the ways that sexually count and if it’s going to be more than physical you need to be available.

You want to turn me on? Find me a retirement plan that I can depend on. Stimulate my mind with conversation. Make me laugh. Respect me. Pull out a chair or hold a door for me. Enjoy my company when I have no makeup on and no cleavage showing. Most importantly though… start out by Being Single.